iPhone: First Thoughts

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iPhone: First Thoughts (12 July 2007)

Hello Internet folks, how are you again. Oh no, your terrapin escaped? Please post a blog so you may tell the whole world about it. For the rest of you non-terrapin-lovers, have you purchased your iPhone? No? Please close this page right now, and proceed to bid for a life worth living on eBay. Ah, so you did, you sly fox. Please read on then, dear fellow iPhone friends.

Keep your terrapin somewhere
safe. Like your hand.

Hello friends, how are you...again. Let me congratulate you on your recent purchase. I'm sure you must be really happy with yourself. Give yourself a pat on your back! You have done well, very well indeed. Right now, you should be in the center of all that attention you deserve. Also, I'm fairly certain you must be getting tired of all the comments from stupid people regarding your purchase. Why do I call these people stupid, you inquire? Why, because they are, my fair lady. They have displayed an utter lack of a normal cognitive brain, one capable of forming thoughts that do not involve nudity, dogs, and naked dogs. Here is a list of things stupid people like to say:

"iPhone sucks because no 3G!" (replace 3G with any other key feature of a state-of-the-art PPC that the iPhone lacks)
"iPhone sucks because you can't remove battery!"
"iPhone sucks because it's too expensive!"
"iPhone sucks because it's version 1.0 of Apple hardware!"
"iPhone sucks because it's for Apple fanboys!"

And if you're living in Singapore (God have mercy) or any other country other than the United States:

"Wah siao bo, buy also cannot use buy for what!?"
"Wah lao, so expensive but no phone functions sia haha!"
"Serious anot, still need to hack then can use? Haha troublesome laaaa"
...insert any comment that sounds remotely retarded, highly irrelevant, and altogether pointless.

"But why do you think they're stupid, kind sir?"

Because, my dear friend, all these people have one thing in common: they do not own an iPhone.

Sourgrapes talk alot...and are
usually not very good to look at

"Oh snap!"

Yes, the truth is awfully clear. Let me raise a few points in an attempt to make it even clearer:

Clearly, we didn't buy the iPhone because it has 3G (replace 3G with any other key feature of a state-of-the-art PPC that the iPhone lacks). What, it's ok for you to get a phone that has 3G but does not have (for example) GPS, but it's suddenly wrong for us to get a phone without 3G but has a multitouch screen, a proximity sensor, and accelerometer? Get real, please. If we wanted 3G, we would've gotten a 3G phone.
If you can't fathom the above, something is very wrong with your ability to think logically. Please stop reading this article immediately before you expire from brain haemorrhage.
A phone's battery can typically last 2 years. A techie/early adopter usually changes a phone in half that time, and the majority of the rest usually does that after their contract ends in 2 years. So what gives?
If it's too expensive, we wouldn't have gotten it, now would we? It's hard, but there's no other way than to come out and say it: "expensive" is a highly subjective word.
We don't care if it's version 1.0 for 3 major reasons: 1st, we believe Apple has learnt its lessons and has made significant effort to assure good quality hardware (we're definitely not disappointed). 2nd, the iPhone's software will be updated via iTunes periodically. 3rd, and most importantly, we're not going to wait another year (or even 6 months) for a version 2.0. If the need be, we'll buy that too when it arrives, but no we don't see the point in holding our collective breath.
Many of us are not Apple fanboys. I myself has never owned a single piece of Apple equipment prior to the iPhone. Not even so much as to touch a macbook. Viva la Windows.
As for those in countries where the iPhone has yet to launch: If we want to buy a working phone, wouldn't it be common sense that we would've bought a normal working phone?? Cognitive capacity, anyone? I mean come on, what's wrong with you people? Let me spell it out again: If we want a phone that works, we would have gotten one - that works. Period.
As for the "trouble" involved in activating the phone, many of us - either through work or studies - have a computer literacy capable of more than a few mouse clicks or using MSN Messenger. Again, isn't that common sense? Obviously people who've actually put the money in to buy an iPhone will clearly know the "work" involved to activate it. So what gives?

"So why did you get an iPhone, kind sir?"

Well, first lets talk about what I did not get the iPhone for. I did not get an iPhone so I can save the world, find a cure for AIDS, or invade China, so all the "iPhone sucks because it does not have <insert random PPC feature>" comments are moot. Also, I already own an Atom Life. It is a HSDPA phone, 624 mhz (fastest in its class), runs WM6, superb email functionality etc, and is all-in-all a delightful piece of equipment. What this means is I certainly did not get the iPhone for its "phone functions", so all those comments are moot too.

So why did I get it? Because it is beautiful. Yes, there is no better way to say it but that. Believe me, there is absolutely no way to appreciate that fact other than to own the phone yourself, so I'm not even going to try to write a review to convince the stupids. I took it out for one day, and I have people's heads all over me. Call me an attention whore, but hey, we're all attention whores to a degree so lets not get too hypocritical about it.

User experience is 11.5cm long
and 61mm wide

I got it because it's a great gadget. Again, there's no way to understand this other than holding and using it for yourself. You can read all the reviews you want, or play around with a friend's or at the Apple store, but believe me nothing beats owning one for real. To actually use it at the comfort of your home, or wherever you may be, loaded with your own photos and music and internet shortcuts etc, is euphoria. The whole experience is state-of-the-art, and you simply cannot describe experience on a tech spec sheet.

So my friends, if you find yourself surrounded by the stupids, here's what you do: DO NOT WASTE A MINUTE TRYING TO CONVINCE THEM! They're mostly just being the illustrative/archetypal sourgrapes that they are, and there's no way you can logically convince these people (as I've illustrated, they do not possess the capacity for logical thinking). These people love nothing more than to put others down so as to hide the hurt that is happening to their egos. What you can do is perhaps to show them this article, so they may hopefully see their folly and cry themselves to sleep at night.

For the rest of the non-stupids who haven't decided but require more convincing, here's a superb and detailed review of the iPhone, including the good and the bad. But remember: you cannot write a review on real user experience. Many people have requested me to post photos. I promise I'll do that - once I stop masturbating to the touch of my new phone.

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